dontwakeup

For I lit the matches, and I burnt the bridges. I don't belong here, standing fast within your twilight. Forgive me, love. Just let me be, singing songs about the silence, resting in peace. I burned the city down, Down to the underground, where you wait for me; singing songs about the silence. Lay awake in your defiance, and pray they won't forget for whom they weep.

I found my reflection in the sky, one day. I remembered, at that point, who I was. I was alone, and proud. I was not followed by a silent spirit, Nor was I watching the heavens For answers. I found something up there, true. But I don't know that You would be proud of what I found. Because I found the strength to love myself Without your savior.

things are starting to look up, i think. sure, my knees are still scraped and bruised from falling down one time too many, and my heart is still broken for people i'll never see again, but i'm done with sitting around and hoping that my life will fix itself.

alone, we all wander the same desperate streets, searching for meaning between the cracks in the sidewalks and hope in the smoggy skies that choke out the stars. walking the same streets all alone, we're trapped in our hunt, forever to look for love where there isn't a drop to be found. the car horns barely shake us from our dreams, walking like the living dead through hollow worlds everyone is dead in this city. everyone here bleeds. and even though there are thousands searching for the same exact things, we all feel like there's nobody there to hear us.

i couldn't even look in the mirror anymore. it was pitiful, that's the only word for it. pitiful the way i was terrified of my own face, the monstrosity that was certain to stare back at me from behind the glass. pitiful that i was so fucking fat. pitiful that everyone hated me because of how ugly i was. pitiful. i sighed and put on my makeup. the hope was that if i used enough, people wouldn't be able to tell that i hated myself, and wanted to curl up and die right then and there. it didn't work, really. everyone could still see just how ugly i was. nothing could hide it, not really. i took a deep breath and grabbed my backpack. another d

i see you. i know i do. i'm not crazy, i see you.

who is this insolent child bold enough to laugh at death? how dare she face her every fear with trembling breath and a heart too cold? how is this daughter of woman resisting the human urge to scream at horrors most vile, worse than her darkest dreams?

who could deny, the wings are beating outside the crooked window pane. the broken hearts keep bleeding, forgotten by the passing of  time. why can't i see the rainbow? the only thing i see is rain. everything is growing taller, burying my ever fear. everything is growing up around me, there's nothing left to keep me here.

and what if all we are is a couple of cigarettes, snapped in two and ground to a chalky powder? snorted by the whores and sinners that we call 'celebrity', forgotten and disenchanted. the liars and the lusty eyes, forgiveness is a luxury never to be seen again.